How To Write An Essay With Concrete Details For Lord

Below are two Schaffer-model paragraphs students wrote together as a class. The legend at right is for the abbreviations at the beginnings of sentences.

Example One
  1. Topic Sentence (TS)
  2. Concrete Detail 1 (CD 1)
  3. Commentary (CM 1A)
  4. Commentary (CM 1B)
  5. Concrete Detail 2 (CD 2)
  6. Commentary (CM 2A)
  7. Commentary (CM 2B)
  8. Concrete Detail 3 (CD 3)
  9. Commentary (CM 3A)
  10. Commentary (CM 3B)
  11. Concluding Sentence (CS)

TSSchool lunch at Beck can be gross. CD1For example, I got a piece of cold, slimy pizza the other day. CM1AThe cheese was falling off the pizza. CM1BI absolutely didn’t want to eat it. CD2Another reason lunch is gross is the milk, which is sometimes lumpy and chunky. CM2AWhen you open the milk, it stinks to high heaven. CM2BSometimes, it even looks like butter! CD3Finally, the chili can be so greasy that you see the grease floating. CM3AThere’s no way to eat it like that. CM3BYou have to strain it. CSFrom these examples, it’s clear school lunch can be nasty.

Example Two
  1. Topic Sentence (TS)
  2. Concrete Detail 1 (CD 1)
  3. Commentary (CM 1A)
  4. Commentary (CM 1B)
  5. Concrete Detail 2 (CD 2)
  6. Commentary (CM 2A)
  7. Commentary (CM 2B)
  8. Concrete Detail 3 (CD 3)
  9. Commentary (CM 3A)
  10. Commentary (CM 3B)
  11. Concluding Sentence (CS)

TSAlthough I generally don’t like it, cafeteria food can sometimes be quite good. CD1To begin with, their fries are tasty. CM1AThey’re good and salty like fries should be. CM1BIf you’re lucky enough to be at the end of the line, you could get some really fresh, crunchy fries as well. CD2The best cafeteria food is during Thanksgiving, when they make turkey and ham. CM2AThe turkey is tender and juicy; CM2Bthe ham tastes just like my grandmother’s. CD3Finally, there’s nothing better than baked spaghetti, and the cafeteria makes this perfectly. CM3AThe cheese on top is at least half a mile thick, and the sauce is better than my mom’s! CM3BThat’s saying a lot, because my mom is Italian. CSSo while you might not take your date there, the cafeteria can cook some tasty meals!

This section contains 646 words
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Summary: The conch in Lord of the Flies by William Golding symbolizes order, rules, authority, and civilization. I am going to show how Golding develops the conch into a symbol of civilization through the novel.


The conch in Lord of the Flies by William Golding symbolizes order, rules, authority, and civilization. I am going to show how Golding develops the conch into a symbol of civilization through the novel.

In the novel Piggy first spots a conch shell and tells Ralph how to use it to make a noise." It's a shell! I seen one like that before, A conch he called it. He used to blow it and his mum would come. It's ever so valuable." (p.15) Here the conch is introduced. As a concrete detail it is important to the story because Ralph uses it to call all the other boys on the island to meetings. Because of the conch rules are set down and Ralph becomes the leader. He tries to be a democratic leader, listening to the concerns of all the fears of the littleuns, watching out for the...

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This section contains 646 words
(approx. 3 pages at 300 words per page)

View a FREE sample

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